Safety is not for sale

            I love music, though not gifted with any musical abilities, I enjoy surrounding myself and the children with it and singing out of tune often. I figure God made me, on purpose, and wasn't looking the other way when He didn't give me an amazing voice. Maybe it was to have a greater appreciation for those who do (like a beloved friend of mine), or maybe to inspire other out of tuners to lift up their voices anyhow, " Make a joyful noise!".  So I joyful noise I do make!

It is always the lyrics that make or break a song for me though. J.J Hellers "In the end" is a favorite of mine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-w4KLSEJUs

             This a great song for this time in my life. My husband is working and planning and everyday I feel one day closer to the move. I feel like a pioneer, although I can be sure of running water and electricity in Hawaii, and I am not exactly going to homestead, I am leaving behind my life here. All of my belongings (except a few boxes I can ship UPS of pictures and memorabilia.. and my Bunn!) are being sold. I am leaving the best friends I have ever had and a wonderful church that I feel I belong in. My children have never even flown on a plane! Or been out of Alaska for that matter.

            A million fears and worries crowd my mind. Will I be lonely? Will the bugs drive me crazy?! Am I crazy to leave our comfortable, prosperous life here? My husband has a good job. We have nice cars. We have a big house. I have a yard and a deck. A good neighborhood. I like all my furniture and went through alot of time and trouble picking it out! It IS beautiful here. And safe. We have put roots down here, Alaska and the people I love here will always be in my heart. And I hope we have lots of house guests!

           It isn't so much about living "in paradise". But living the lifestyle I now desire. Simplicity. More time. Less stuff. Smaller house, more family time. Enjoying the creation year round. Learning new things, like surfing (for the children..C'mon now, you know I am NOT coordinated enough for that!) and the Ukulele. It's about warm days spent under the sun, and sandcastles, the small community, and slow pace.

 "Safety is not for sale....You cannot buy peace of mind...earthly defenses fail... there is nothing new under the sky... build your Kingdom all your life..and say goodbye".

            It is a risk.  A big one. But I only have one life. I want to live it, in color, turned up as far as it will go. Bright and beautiful, peaceful. I felt so at home there, as though I already belonged. I am an island girl. I pray, and I wonder if this strong desire to go is because it IS God's will. Maybe it's a result of the long dark winters here. I believe that God gives you certain desires for a reason and maybe He has plans for me there. I am excited and afraid. I feel confident though. As though it is right. I know it will not be a big, long vacation. I don't expect that. I know there are downsides. But the same is true for everywhere. I know lots of people will think I am crazy. I know lots of people think we are foolish. But. Just maybe ... maybe its staying "safe" that is foolish. Maybe it's spending a lifetime working 9-5 to build your empire that is foolish. Maybe it is all Vanity. Maybe we will die in an earthquake or a hurricane or a giant tsunami. Maybe I'll get bitten by a poisonous spider and die a long, painful death. Death by spider. Ewwwww.! Maybe we will come back in a year, when our lease is up, and live in our house, and everyone will say "Told you so". That is Okay. Pride is vanity. And I am not building an empire. And Safety is not for sale." In the end", after my death by hurricane/tsunami/volcano/earthquake/spider. I'll be with Jesus and I will be the one to say "Told ya so".

Alaskan summers and paradise dreams part 2

 

     Some of the reasons people love Alaska are reasons that dont really apply to me. For example, I dont ski, snowboard, or snowmachine. Nor do I desire to, ( I once tried to snow machine.. total disaster). In fact, in all honesty, if its under 40 degrees I just do not desire to be outdoors. And in Alaska its under 40 degrees ALOT. In fact when its -10 or -15 I dread even going to Costco. Its pretty here, beautiful really. But Man O Man. The year before last it snowed 135 inches. You know how many feet that is?! Well my math skills aint real good  (ya I said aint... ) but its ALOT. Actually, I am 57 inches tall (so my suspended DL says) so its more than 2xs my height. And someone has to shovel all that. And I can tell you... as I am a girl.. it aint gonna be me. Sexism totally works for me, I AM from the south ya know, so my husband doesnt do dishes ... EVER, and I NEVER kill bugs or shovel snow. Its a southern gals privilege, if your married to a good ole boy who has clear ideas on the roles of a female, to define his roles for him as well. I dont kill bugs, take out garbage, shovel snow, or do anything with a vehicle other than look helpless at the mechanics. Really it works out just fine (except when he forgets to take out the garbage.. then he must face my wrath!).

    Anywho. The outdoor activities I do love are things like walking ( NOT interval walking!), biking (not up mountains or really anywhere I would need gears), looking at flowers, smelling the fresh air, looking at the ocean, looking at any body of water, swimming ( NOT in glacier fed streams, "lakes" or creeks), going to the zoo, looking at more flowers, sitting and reading in the shade, possibly gardening (if there arent too many bugs and I have garden gloves), riding in a convertible car or with a sunroof ( that counts right!?), going to the farmers market, going to ANY outdoor market, eating food I did not prepare Alfresco (its not as fun if you do all the cooking or cleaning up is it?), listening to music and watching others knit, floating down rivers slowly ( no white water rafting!), picking seashells, and sunbathing. See!? Maybe I was wrong I AM outdoorsy. There is a whole host of things I enjoy outside! Although going over my list... maybe its no surprise I need to loose a little ( ok ..ok.. ALOT) of weight.

    So I spend the majority of the year indoors with my heater turned up to a balmy 70 degrees ( making my gas bill more than my car payment) and waiting for summer. Praying for summer really. Wishing it didnt get dark at 4 pm. And trying to distract myself from the cold, dark , loooooonnnnggg winter. O and gaining weight.. lets not forget that part. I mean really I will never love working out indoors on a treadmill. And I do like pie ( cause who doesnt!?). So combine those two things with an unusually long winter and 3 babies in the last 6 years. Well. See? It could happen to anyone. I mean its not like I eat pie for breakfast topped with bacon. Although I kid you not Village Inn sells bacon topped pie. And Wednesday is free pie day. Just passing along good information for my fellow Alaskans who love pie, bacon, and free stuff.

                                                http://www.villageinn.com/pierushwednesday/

    Last year I went to Hawaii. It was a life changing experience. By the way... 10 days in Hawaii with your best friend and no kids or husbands is probably the best vacation ever hands down! Did you know ... its ALWAYS summer in Hawaii? And balmy? And basically a lovely paradise, perfect for doing all the outdoor activities I love. Guess how many times you shovel snow there? Or say... you feel your heart jump because you just saw a big black bear run through your yard in the middle of the city .. and your kids are playing in said yard? Or get chased by a cloud of man eating mosquitoes? Guess how many beaches have warning signs outlining the dangers of hypothermia. Ya... you see where I am going with this.

     But really its more than all that. Sometime in the last few years I have gotten tired of the rat race. I only get one life. And I don't want to build an empire. I don't need granite counter tops and a smart TV.  I don't desire to drive a Mercedes, or have an expensive purse collection, or a wardrobe in "season". Its O.K if all my things are shabby chic by necessity. Its O.K if I dye my hair... from a box. Its O.K if I never have matching silverware or fine china.In fact its more than O.K. I don't want it.

    I think the Lord has been revealing in my heart my lifes purpose. I used to think it was this big mystery and that someday Id awaken and just KNOW my lifes purpose. And of course it would be super amazing. Like curing cancer or solving world hunger. But that isnt how God works. And in the last few years His Holy Spirit has little by little been revealing His purpose for my life. AND. wow. It IS amazing. More than I could have ever asked. It basically boils down to this. Follow Jesus. Spread the Gospel. I know... really you can now pick your jaw off the floor. Maybe it shows the shallow deception in my own heart that it took me YEARS to see this. Yes, I have read my bible. But I suppose I didnt think He meant all that literally.

    There is a growing desire in my heart for serious lifestyle change. I have a great life. I have a husband that I love and I am still married to ( after 10 years Im pretty amazed at that) and who works hard (alot!), three healthy beautiful children, a very cute dog, a spacious house with a great yard and deck in a convenient, family friendly nieghborhood. I get to stay home and homeschool, and I also have friends whom I truly love and appreciate, as well as a "bosom friend" who I knew was a kindred spirit the moment we met. And I really love my church. I would be so sad to leave all that. But I crave simplicity. More and more I see the real meaning of life and its following Jesus and loving people. Its not saving for retirement and building your 401k. Or adding to your home until it resembles something on HGTV. I guess what I am getting at is I have become tired of the consumerism. Fed up with it. Really, I think its starting to disgust me.

    The best things in life are free. Too true. So now my aim is to spend my time in a way that glorifies God and serves my family best. Simplicity. I want less stuff. I want less bills. I want more savings.I want less T.V and more books. I want less cleaning and more fun time. I want enough free time to be able to stop and follow the Holy Spirit and serve God in many different ways. I want to enjoy every single sunny day ( we dont really get very many!). I want a different lifestyle. A simple, active lifestyle. One where I'm not so over worked and stressed out that I feel guilty for sitting quietly for a few moments. Where I can play games with the children. Read and write and learn new things. Sew and quilt. Think of new ways to bless my husband. And most importantly grow closer to Jesus.

                                                    (Hanalai bay in Kauai ...photo credit~ ME)
  I would prefer to do all of that in Hawaii. Where we can take daily walks to the beach, homeschool outside on the lanai', snorkel, hike, and eat fresh avocados. Its a different lifestyle than what I have here. And why not? When you only have one life... and I'm not building an empire. Its ok if the cost of living is high there... its high here too. Ill drive less and live in a smaller house. Really with daily trips to the beach I think Ill cope. So its a goal of mine. Drop everything and move to Hawaii! Sounds nuts huh?

Alaskan summers and paradise dreams part 1

 Our first summer in a single family home with a yard has been fairly spectacular so far. Is this what we've been missing all of our years in duplexes and condos, living in our concrete jungle? I have to say condo living in Alaska has to be even more magnified, as your already indoors 9 months of the year. But waking up each morning to the birds and a surrounding of greenery does wonders for my spirit. I love summer, and I love having outdoor space to enjoy it. Alaska summers can be O so amazing. With more than 20 hours of daylight it seems the greenery springs up overnight and before long your yard looks like a jungle!

     By the time summer here arrives I am so desperate for green and warmth I rejoice with every bud on every tree! Of course I have to wait till mid May. But by golly come mid May, my sweaters are packed and my flip flops waiting by the door! The children the other day ask "What is spring? Why isnt it just winter and summer?" , because the in between seasons are so short it seems they hardly exist. I remember long falls that linger and springs that start at the end of February and carry on till May. Growing up in Arkansas I experienced each season in its glory. Fall in the Ozarks is astounding. Spring and Fall are so short here, you have to be careful not to blink. But if you love watching the snow fall and frost cover the trees, if you enjoy roasting fires in winter and cool summers, this may be the place for you. However, after 8 years I am not so sure it is the place for me.

    I am not a very outdoorsy kinda gal. Even growing up in Arkansas with my Dad ( who is an outdoor fanatic and believes camping isnt REALLY camping unless you sleep on the ground under the stars) and spending countless summers camping and "exploring", I still would never camp in a tent willingly unless it was World War Three. In an RV maybe, possibly even a pop up camper or cabin. Really it depends on the bathroom situation.  I want a toilet not located on a tree. And a sink. Preferably a stove ( I mean really.. I can only cook hot dogs and s'mores over a campfire people, and Im pretty sure Ill be sick of that fare after day 1) and most importantly the Bug Factor. I need a homebase that is basically guaranteed bug free. So I can sleep knowing no bug is secretly creeping on me. Otherwise I am just anxious, and as my Dad always said "Taylor is NEVER a happy camper".  I once read that statistically everyone has eaten like 5 spiders in their sleep. This really means that there are people who have eaten 10 and people who have eaten 0, then they average it out see? So. I am one of those that have eaten 0. And I plan on being ever vigilant to keep it that way.

    Living in Alaska has been an adventure, I have had 3 children up here and bought two homes. My husband has had several career changes and I have built deep loving friendships. I am part of a church that I love and am so involved with homeschooling families I am now surprised when someone says they are in public school! BUT. Deep down in my heart.... I long for change.
    Its like a quiet whisper. Well, in the summer its a whisper, in the winter its a resounding YELL. Part of me loves our life here, I wish I could just change the climate! But although alot of things may come and go here in Alaska... the climate (contrary to a popular global warming theory) isnt going anywhere. There will be more snow and more darkness next winter and the following one. More than even climate change, I long for change from our pace of life and the focus thereof.